This is Really Happening

Oniony

I don't often get around to reading The Onion nowadays but for some reason I glanced at it this week. Here's evidence (to me at least) that they can still come up with some funny stuff (to me at least).

Good Luck PHC!

PostHipChick has been blogging about her pregnancy. And she has some interesting and emotional insights into being long overdue.

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering (okay, maybe none of you are actually wondering this), Dee was long overdue but Packy was born right on his due date. Being born on the exact due date apparently is quite rare. I don't know why, but it is... Oh, and for those of you wondering further: oddly enough Dee is the punctual, time-sensitive one and Packy couldn't care less about timeliness and schedules.

Consider Yourself Memed

If you're a blogger, consider yourself memed. I'm supposed to pass this along to eight people and I'm too lazy to actually do it personally. Luckily for me, I have about eight readers, so there you go.

Here it is:

First town you ever lived in: Holyoke, Massachusetts aka "The First Planned Industrial City", "The Birthplace of Volleyball." So, all of you women's beach volleyball fans can thank Holyoke.

First album owned: I'm not sure. I'm going to guess it was something by the Beatles. I also remember buying the Beach Boys' 15 Big Ones early on in my buying days. But my brother bought many of the albums and I just glommed onto him, so what I bought isn't entirely clear to me.

First gig seen: I'm guessing it was Johnny Cash at the Big E. Yeah, screw all of you bastards--I SAW JOHNNY CASH LIVE! If there were other, earlier "gigs" that I saw, I don't know what they might have been.

First celebrity crush: Diane Lane. But she was my age--so does that count? I'm still waiting for a response to that love letter I sent. So, Diane, if you're reading this, you know what to do.

First film you remember seeing: One of the Disney movies, I really don't remember which I saw first. I saw it at either the Victory Theatre or the Strand in "The Paper City", Holyoke.

First time you drank alcohol: I remember my father would let me take sips of beer when I was like ten or something. Only on Saturday, pizza night. That pizza came from Earl's Lounge, now Ronnie's, in Apremont, France's sister city, Holyoke.

First paying job: Burger King at the Holyoke Mall. My first girlfriend (see below) and I both applied together. They took me, but not her, which is strange because she was attractive and personable and I was dopey and mumbly. I guess, though, if I think about their typical employee nowadays, I do fit the corporate model a bit better.

First kiss: I think I was 16. The girl next door.

Well, that's it. Now it's your turn to keep this meme meming...

One Thing

One thing is certain: Teachers is the worst, not to mention most over-hyped, show on television. You could have been so funny, but you so clearly are not...

The Pond is Filled

Well, I've been enjoying my vacation week so far. Thanks for asking.

Yesterday I golfed and it was glorious--the weather that is, not my performance on the course. After a great first round this year, I've found myself doing not so well since. That 11th hole at Southampton has been mocking me. I don't know what I ever did to it. But this year, at those times that I have done well, I've shown signs of actually having some good golf within me. I even birdied a hole. Yes, my first ever birdie. I know, I know, if you're a golfer you're probably thinking to yourself that you've done that a hundred times and if you're not a golfer you only have a vague sense of what a birdie is. That's all okay, I'm still happy. You never forget the first time, wha!

Oh, and on the 6th hole, they've filled the new pond. Another wetland for America. Yay!

Not much else to say at the moment. Dee has a baseball scrimmage tonight. On Saturday he had his first look at live pitching. And while he did a good job of not swinging at bad pitches, he was swinging a bit tentatively when he had a ball he could hit. I'm sure that will change over time. And in the "Thank You For Letting Me Live Vicariously Through You" Department, Dee got to play third base in the scrimmage. And while, as a first year player he will probably spend most of his time wasting away in the outfield, I am proud of the fact that his coach chose him out of all the first year players to be platooning into the infield when they need him. See--all those hours of grounder practice do pay off.

Well, off to enjoy the sunshine.

Kids and Animals

You know that old saying--'Never blog about kids or animals; they'll upstage you every time'--well, I'm going to go against that age-old wisdom yet again.

First of all, on Friday I got called on to cover for another teacher. And while most teachers out there in this world are thinking "oh yeah, I know the feeling...someone else's worksheets, someone's lame-assed video, time to get some correcting done", instead I found myself traipsing through the multi-species barn to meet up with the Aggie Department. Yes, today's substitute plan was for me to assist one of the Aggie teachers in the barn. Today's lesson: vaccinating calves. As a group of freshmen stood around, the teacher demonstrated for us how to prepare the needle, how to know it's ready to go, and how to best inject it in the calf's hindquarter. All that of course seems rather easy until the students get to try it.

First student: "I really want to do this, but I'm not sure of myself yet. Can someone else go first?"

Second student: "I do this all the time. I'll go!"

(I can't get students to write for five minutes at a time and out here they have volunteers for calf vaccinating. Go figure).

At any rate, the student does okay with the task (NB: if you're trying this at home, you'll need two additional assistants to hold the calf in place...oh, and don't stand behind it), though the teacher does add the instruction afterwards--"Don't keep poking him with it. Just get it in. It hurts and calves hold grudges."

I honestly did not know that. I wonder how many cow-tippers out there know that if they ever run into their victim again that vengeance awaits?

At any rate, the rest of my time there was largely unevently, watching students clean out stalls, helping move one stall--with a huge ram corraled in it--so that the area could be swept, and visiting the pig barn.

In the pig barn, I thought I had stumbled onto some city workers. Two students were sweeping out the stalls while four kids leaned on their shovels and brooms and watched.  Great stuff. I made a comment that I felt guilty for eating pork recently and one of the students pointed to a stall and said something like: "Don't feel bad, we're eating him next week." I don't know if it was true, but it certainly got me out of there quick.

Meanwhile, on the kid front, Packy asked  me an earnest question the other day: "Dad, why do all the kids in my class think I'm cool?" I laughed and told him it must be because he was fun to be around and funny and generally nice.

"I just don't get it" he replied. "All the boys are friends with me. And even most of the girls too. Except like two of them."

"Why aren't they you're friends?" I wondered.

"Well, actually, I never see them. I don't think they show up very often."

"That must be it."

Even Packy's teacher raves about his personality. I don't know where he gets it from. I was always--and you might be shocked by this--very quiet. Always part of the group and rarely a leader. But, all I do know is, he's got it.

Oh, one more Packy story. He came home the other day. It was the first day he had worn a brand new shirt and it had a large tear in it.

"How did you get that tear in your shirt?"

"What tear? Oh THAT one? I don't know." He smiled innocently.

"Were you climbing a fence or something?"

"Nope. No fences" he chuckled.

"Have an accident using scissors?"

"Nope..."

"You have no idea how you got that?" I asked.

"No...do you have any other suggestions?"

Oh Wait

I was just about to post something here when I realized that I have some work that needs to get done right now. One of those little things we call having a lesson ready for the class that will be in here in fifteen minutes.

So, as a result, I will not be posting a post right now. Well, except that this is a post I suppose. But it's not the post I intended which would have taken longer to write.

So, anyway, sorry, but no post for you!

More Animal Stories

So there we were sitting in class near the end of the day yesterday. Students were finishing up their tasks, others already done, when one of the students blurts out (and yes I have a lot of students who tend to blurt out things): "Have you ever heard of people who are Baboonophiles? They like to molest baboons."

To which another student immediately responded: "No! If they tried that the baboon would fuck their shit up!"

Minus two points for swearing in class. Plus two for use of irrefutable logic. Let's call it even.